I used to think of myself as a collector.

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I wanted to collect stamps from different places or shot glasses or bags or postcards. In the beginning, I’d have one then two, and sometimes, it’d even get to three! However, it never got past four. Over the years, I’d have a shot glass from Florida shying away in the cabinet or two postcards hidden in the depths of my drawers while my bag from Georgia hung limply from my door.

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Eventually, I had stopped thinking of myself as a collector. I had realized that many of these tokens I had wanted as a keepsake from places I visited or memories I’d made, but I had no practical use for them. Because once they were in my possession, they were lost in my room and rarely used.

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I didn’t grow up with a lot of materialistic things. When we moved to Texas, we started out in an apartment with the basic essentials. There was no need for a Gameboy, Wii, or a DVD player. At the time, I felt like I had all I needed–a roof over my head, my parents and brother, and a cake every year for my birthday.

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Now, after moving out and living in our current home for almost 20 years, it feels like the opposite. The cabinets are filled with lots of canned goods and spices. Our dishwasher is overflowing with mugs and ceramics. Our backyard is a deserted workshop that has been collecting dust. The sunroom holds my old dolls, art supplies, shoes, empty Amazon boxes, and Christmas decorations.

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We’re the family that keeps the tupperwares from restaurants and uses the dishwasher as storage. We send Balikbayan boxes–packages filled with food, clothes, and other goodies that are sent off back home in the Philippines. There comes a point when the things we keep in our house become clutter and then become hoarding.

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Hoarding can be a patchwork to keep the life you used to live or the life you want. Sometimes, it’s a way to cope with trauma, grief, and separation–best exemplified, I think, in the animated film Memoir of a Snail directed by Adam Elliot. For some, they keep things in case it’s needed in the future and to avoid waste. For others, it’s a way to cope and provide comfort. For me, I collected things because I wanted to cherish the memories I made at that moment. As sentimental as it may seem, I realized it took up a lot of space, especially when they were kept hidden under the bed.

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A lot of our things hold memories, but every once in a while, it’s okay to clean out the cupboards and send another Balikbayan box.